No videos, no 2nd Chance CD of the Week, none of that this time around. Next time, absolutely. But right now? I think it's long due that I get a few things off my chest.
This year has been one of the best years of my entire life. I've come to grips with some mistakes I've made in the past, and I've learned from them, and I've been moving on. I connected and reconnected with family and close friends this year as well. I love having these people in my life, and I am thankful for each and every one of them. I'm also thankful for the love of my life Heather, for coming to me at a time where I really needed it. I've dealt with a lot of things over the years, and the fact that she's been by my side for the past 8 months (with a lot more time to come, for sure). These are the things that I am most thankful for this year, and considering that Thanksgiving is just a few short weeks away, I feel that it is only appropriate that I give thanks in this way.
But now, it's time to switch gears.
For the past four and a half years I have been on again, off again, dealing with depression. I felt for years that I was not good enough. I felt for many years that I wasn't the kind of guy that gets to ride off into the sunset. That the best way for me to be truly happy was just beyond arm's reach. You see, brothers and sisters, I have had, over the past, arguably, 15 years that I was not good enough, nor did I deserve, to be in love with someone who loved me back. I've had the unfortunate luck of involving myself with women whose biggest dilemmas of the day were, "Gee how am I going to break Scott Daniel Miller's heart today?" There were a variety of reasons given for my rejection upon rejection to ego bruising rejection. Stuff like "Oh, he has a past," or "I could never lower myself to be with a 'guy like him,'" or "He's too young," or "He's too old." "He doesn't drive," " He lives in a tiny apartment." Just bullshit, from start to finish.
In the immortal words of Samuel L Jackson, "Well, allow me to retort."
- No shit, Sherlock, I have a past. Everyone has one. The past is how we learn from past mistakes, and move on to build better, brighter lives for ourselves. You can live in the past all you want, but I've learned from mine and I've moved on. End of story.
- A "guy like me," huh? So what exactly is wrong with a guy like me? Oh, that's right, I treat females with respect. I don't do drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, and I don't cheat on my women. Matter of fact, the biggest problem that I actually DO have is that I smoke too much. Get over yourselves.
- I'm too young? That's okay, I'm not into dating senior citizens anyway. That shit's just creepy, y'all.
- I'm too old? OK, fair enough...until you turn around and start dating a guy 5 or more years older than me. Gee thanks.
- My tiny apartment? It was just me, and only me living there. And it was small enough for everything I had, strictly because someone I spend 7 of the previous years of my life literally stripped me of everything I had, up to and including my dignity.
- No, I don't drive. Which means no car payments, no insurance bills, and no having to deal with astronomically priced gasoline. Winner, me. You can have all of that, along with your gas-guzzling piece of shit, thank you very much.
Here's where I am in my life. All of the reasons I listed above just simply don't matter. And right now, as of this moment, I realize that they never did. I know who I am, what I am and am not capable of. The way I see it, I've encountered a lot of bitches in my life that became jealous of the fact that I've lived a fuller, well rounded life in nearly 32 years than they will ever live in their lifetime. There have been many people in their lives that have gone out of their way to hurt me, they've all succeed, and most of them have learned to regret it for the rest of their lives. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, and I find myself fortunate to see things through the way I have. I am with someone who has made me find myself in a blissful state that is rarely seen these days. So listen up, read closely, pass it along to your friends, because you're going to love this one. To all the Jennifer Miners, the cheaters, maneaters, the soulcrushers...to all the Samantha Kullingers, who only care about materialistic bullshit, how much a man has, and how fat his wallet is...to all the Valerie Jimenez's...who play with guys' hearts and smile while they're doing it, who'll treat any man they're with like a friggin' kid, and then says that things won't work...to all the Alex Buckleys, who use their friends, rob them, and leave them hanging just because they feel like it...to all the Sabrina Grahams, who want too much, too soon, too fast, but then can't trust a man to save their friggin' lives...to all of these, and to all the nameless girls that are out there, who bitch and moan and complain about wanting a good man, and then turn a blind goddamned eye when one comes along....
I am sick and tired of each and every one of you. I had to deal with all of the hurt that all of you have caused me and forged for myself a better life because of it. I surpassed each and every one of you, because I finally am going to be able to ride off into that sunset that I've had my eye on for a long, long time. I have no time, nor room, in my life for any of you anymore, for I have found happiness for myself with a woman, not a girl, a WOMAN, who accepted me, not because of who I once was, or how much or little I have. But because of who I am on the inside, and for what's in my heart and soul. I am surrounded by friends and family that love me for the man I've grown up to be. And all of you have missed out, because while you sit and you bitch, and you moan, about BOY troubles? You missed out on being happy with a grown MAN. I have surpassed each and every one of the names mentioned above, and some names I've left out for the hell of it. I've been looked down upon, and it's made me feel self pity. Now it only makes me feel proud to know that you all couldn't get past your own flaws, and your own mistakes, and you have to take it out on me. So as far as I'm concerned, once and for all, the bottom line, every single one of those mentioned can kiss my Irish, beer drinking, pizza devouring, pro wrestling loving, heavy metal listening, Ohio ASS! I'm done with you all. Now you'll excuse me, I have a future to look forward to.
Thanks for reading.
Miller
