All in a year

Lessons Learned 2011

What a difference a year makes. 

At the tail end of my "healing process," all that was left was confusion.  The fear, the hurt, the despair, was all gone.  Only confusion and uncertainty remained.  Back in January my mind was set.  After the way things panned out with one of my ex-girlfriends, I thought it was just simply time to give up.  On Florida, on the whole dating thing, and just head home back to Ohio and forget it all.  At the time, I thought and felt that everything I knew about being a man was wrong, and that I was in the wrong place to find what I was looking for.  There I was, still in my studio apartment (RIP Castle Killskull), nowhere to go in my job because of the constant ineptitude I've had to deal with.  Nowhere to do, and nothing more I can truly do with my life as it stood at that moment in time.  The spirit of the Scottish Killer was truly broken and there was just simply nothing left for me here.

I can gladly say that three months later I was proven very much the contrary. 

A week after I came back from my vacation I met probably the most wonderful human being I have ever encountered.  There she was, all of about five feet tall...with shoes lol...and she noticed, from the very beginning, how utterly nervous I was for our first date.  Nervous?  No, I was horrified.  I was sweating like a pig the whole time, I stuttered and stumbled over my words in a way that made my high school self say, "Damn, this dude's got problems."  Surprisingly enough, she laughed the whole thing off, which allowed me to do the same.  The words came, my anxiety faded, and the rest, as they say, is history.  I've truly met the love of my life, finally and at last.  This Clark Kent had finally found his Lois.  And trust me, at the beginning, I fought it tooth and nail.  I was ready to just see her a couple of times and then end things before it began.  I figured, "Nah, it ain't gonna work out.  Just like always."  They say that most people notice when someone captures your heart, but for me, it came out of nowhere, and with time.  My faith in true love had been restored, and my faith in the basic good in people had been reunited.  Heather McMahon, I love you dearly and deeply.  With you, a lot of the anger and confusion has faded, and at the end of it all, there's only you.  I'm grateful for everything you've done for me, and I'm thankful that you were the one you finally open my heart once more.

No, I'm not done with this section yet.

I've taken a lot of people out of my life this year as well.  People I thought I could trust.  Turns out these people were so wrapped up in their own bullshit to even worry for a second about me.  These are people that I will never welcome back, for any discernible reason.  So goodbye to all of you, you know who you are.  I've mentioned you all in this column and a refuse to do so again.  Also, today, I look back at how truly miserable I was at my old store location.  I was never really truly liked by most of the people working there, I know that, and I'm fine with that.  I was working in a system that was just simply not working, no matter what I tried to do to improve.  All of my hard work went unnoticed and unappreciated, and I felt like I spent the first four years of my career wasting my time.  I honestly feel that you have to enjoy what you do for a living in order to be good at it.  And after a while, work stopped being fun for me, and as a result, I stopped caring.  I was at the point where I was just in there for the paycheck, and that was it.  I ended up moving out of my small, no bedroom apartment, moved in with Heather in July, transferred stores, and I can't be more happier than I am these days.  The people there recognize my hard work, they appreciate it, and hell, they even thank me for coming in to work.  Hey, don't thank me, it's what I get paid for.  Most of the customers even ask for me by name because they know that I know my shit, and I'll go out of my way to help them out.  

My quest to take over the universe may just see the light after all lol.

This year, I've done a "Random Thoughts" column or two, and I decided that I'm gonna post the best of them here, not only from this year, but for previous years as well, for your amusement.  As always I hope you either get a good laugh or you become offended as hell.  Either one's good for me.

The Best of Random Thoughts


- To parents with kids that are throwing a fit cuz they're not getting what they want...Shut your kid up or I will.


- I'm sorry, but fat is not a disability.  Get your fat ass out of that electric wheelchair and go to the damn gym!

 - Good God Almighty, did Gwen Stefani's solo music go down the shitter or what?!  I recently heard one of her new songs, and it sounds like something out of an old school, 8-bit video game.  And trust me, if your music sounds like I should be playing Nintendo right now, that's when you know you suck.  No Doubt was decent, get THEM back out there.


- When someone tells you that they aren't trying to be a pain in the ass, guess what? That means that they actually ARE trying to be a pain in the ass. Trust me, after seeing tourist after tourist over the years, I know these things.

- If you are a white person, be a white person. If you are an African American, be an African American. Don't be a white guy pretending to be black. Me, I'm a small town, pasty faced white boy. I talk in coherent sentences, I rock out whenever I can, and I think that 50 Cent needs to be shot one more time. I'm not racist, I'm just for not being afraid of who and what you are.

- Since I was 4 years old, I knew that Van Halen was the GREATEST BAND IN THE UNIVERSE.

- I don't care how hot she may or may not be.  Beyonce has got to be one of the most annoying people on the entire planet.  Every picture I see of her and she's smiling, it's that kind of knowing smile that says, "Yeah, that's right, I'm a bitch."  Not to mention that her music is by far some of the worst I have heard in my lifetime.  And then, "If I Were a Boy" hit the airwaves.  The first thousand times I heard it, I thought to myself, "Hey...she's actually attempting to write a decent song."  After that, I realized just how damned WHINY she sounds throughout the song.  No thanks.  Oh, and Beyonce, Destiny's Child sucked too, by the way.

  - Justin Bieber....seems that he's EXTREMELY popular among the prepubescent female community.  Coincidentally, he's also just as popular among the adult homosexual male community.  So if you've got Bieber Fever, and you're not 12 years old OR a girl, you've got a lot of explaining to do.

- I REALLY don't understand the appeal of reggaeton.  And no, it's got nothing to do with its racial background.  Every song, EVERY DAMN SONG, has the same exact beat to it.  There's no originality behind that.  Which means there's not one bit of talent behind it.  And I'm sorry, but I only listen to talented musicians.

Those were my best ones over the years, and trust me, BROTHERS, there'll be plenty more to come throughout the year.



It's that time of the year again, kiddies.  It's time for...


2nd Chance CD of the Year


(Originally written 9-13-11)

Dream Theater
A Dramatic Turn of Events (2011)

After looking at all the CD's I've reviewed this year, it's a no-brainer that this ends up being the album of the year for me.  I've been a huge fan of Dream Theater since 2009, and after seeing them at Hard Rock this year, was made into an even bigger fan than before.  I honestly believe that their performance there outshined my first ever concert experience with Van Halen, in Tokyo, in 1995. 

Tracklist
One the Backs of Angels
Build Me Up, Break Me Down
Lost Not Forgotten
This is the Life
Bridges in the Sky
Outcry
Far From Heaven
Breaking All Illusions
Beneath the Surface


This album is an interesting one, and one that I have been looking forward to since hearing their previous CD, Black Clouds and Silver Linings (2009).  Since then, founding drummer Mike Portnoy left the band, citing that he wanted to take a break from writing and recording.  The rest of the band wanted to continue at the breakneck pace they had been known to go, so Portnoy left.  In the meantime, Avenged Sevenfold's drummer, Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan unexpectedly died from an enlarged heart at the age of 28.  They enlisted the services of Portnoy to take over the drums while recording A7X's Nightmare album.  After completing the record and supporting tour, Portnoy made the attempt to return to Dream Theater, which they declined, saying that they were already on the search for a new drummer.  Enter Mike Mangini.  Mike Mangini was famous for replacing Paul Geary in the band Extreme in 1995.  By the time Mangini joined Dream Theater, however, the songwriting had already been completed.  At that point, all the band did was send the completed tapes to Mangini so that he can lay down his own drum track, and "add his own shit too."  The result is A Dramatic Turn of Events, released today.  I honestly don't think they could have gotten anyone else to replace Mike Portnoy, as I feel that Mike Mangini is fitting in quite well.  The main thing that I was worried about upon hearing about the release of this album was that Portnoy was one of the main songwriters in Dream Theater.  Thankfully, the music did not suffer from Portnoy's departure, as A Dramatic Turn of Events is just as good as anything Dream Theater had come out with.  Hell, I would say it's one of their best albums in years.  With songs like "This is the Life," "Outcry," and the album's lead single and opening track, "On the Backs of Angels," it's hard to argue that point.  If I had to introduce anyone to Dream Theater, this would be the album to start them off with.  Definitely worth a listen.

Thumbs up.   

This is obviously my last blog of the year.  Hopefully I'll put another one out either next week or the week after.  Until that time, Happy New Year, and remember, kids, only YOU can help stop tourism.  To close things out, probably my best lyrical work EVER!

1000 Days - completed 7-18-10 after about a week of writing

I. Clarity
Afternoon, mid-July, the whole landscape changed, so did I
I stood frozen, diamond in my sights
What once was darkness had now become my light

I had my dream once, and it still stands
Take these matters into these two hands
You have to know this wasn't my plan
Even I still can't understand

Then one day, anyone's guess
My steel resolve was put to the test
I set out to place my bets
For in my dreams she always says "yes"

It's all just a dream, but it's my dream...

II. Conflict
What more must I say, to not face this again?
My heart's light and heavy at the same time...

Pilgrimage to the north
Ever looming, neverending
Wage a war in myself
"Never break your heart again."
From the rich, to the poor
Mix these signals, sending
Die within but live to tell
"Never let you hurt again."

I am pulled to shreds, sings, but sinks instead
I am in conflict with my own heart
Gain, but lose it all, right from the start

Whipped and weary, full of fear
Pride is tested, breaking near
Anxiety please disappear
"Just do this for yourself."

...I am at a crossroads
Which way do I turn?
I'm another lost soul
Which bridge do I burn?

III. Rise
Like two stars crossing, two ships passing
I'm left a beaten man
Waited far too long
It's too late to turn back

My heart's been yours this whole time
These words, yours as I write
Why do I feel like I'm torn apart?
When did this war begin with my heart?

As far as I can tell, there's no one left but me
It's all been explained, but it's only Greek to me...

IV. Fall
"Wake up, young soldier.  This nightmare is ending.  Those three words, repeating, they're now never-ending."

This heart of mine sits still
Those three words cost me dear
I'd take it all back if given the chance
To make it disappear

A thousand days, the angels sang
Now they no longer speak
The words came out, as my heart breaks
I've never felt so weak

I look to the skies,
The stars in your eyes
I wish that you were mine
Oh, I wish that you were all mine...


Thanks again
Miller