And so...it's been more than three years since I've written one of these. I guess I just haven't had a lot to say. That and I've been busy buying a house of my own and trying not to burn to death in the South Carolina sun. Things have been hectic, sure, but now I'm back and I have a lot of things that I need to get off my chest. The things I am going to say are gonna blow a lot of things wide open, but it's been weighing in on me for a long time. Recent events have forced my hand, and I think another one of my mad tirades is in order. If you're a pansy-ass who suddenly becomes emotionally wounded just by the sheer hint of a colorful four-letter word, you might wanna close this up right now. The rest of you, stick around, strap your asses in, because you're all in for it.
My entire life I've known that I was different, not only from my family, but the entire region I was born into. Noble County, Ohio is a land that time forgot, where racism is okay, where ignorance is the status quo, and everyone thumps their Bible so hard they might as well put a fucking hole in it. It is a region that the closest thing to anything festive every year is a county fair with one of the main events being a demolition derby that I and people like me have less than zero interest. It's a region in this country where if you were born there, it's dead-end enough that you are, chances are, gonna be stuck there, and more than likely, will die there. Where country music, mudding, deer hunting, and a country festival that kicks off with a "Redneck Run" is considered a high form of art. This is where the differences between this area and myself come in.
During various times in my life that I have either came back to this place to visit, or even live, for that matter, I honestly feel that I was treated differently, and it was because I knew I WAS different. I was completely bored by the region in general, even though it was always nice to catch up with those whom I felt most dear. Every time I stepped into town I felt I was never truly allowed to be myself. I I never felt I had the opportunity to truly be myself, to find myself in a way I only knew how. This is me in a nutshell...I've been a comic book geek since I was 3 years old, a diehard professional wrestling fan since I was the age of 10, I was never TRULY a religious man, and a through and through metalhead to the core. I'd head back home for the summer, or go for a random year of high school, and what the fuck did I hear? "Rasslin's fake, you shouldn't watch that stupid stuff." "Them funny books are for kids, they're stupid." "That mumbo jumbo music you listen to is devil music, you shouldn't listen to that shit." "You should go to church every Sunday and read nothing but the Bible." So...what do you expect? Should I be nothing more than a stereotypical redneck, allow myself to become dumber by the day with the environment, the music, and inherent lack thereof? Where consistent yardwork, bailing hay, chewing tobacco, and occasionally watching a shit-ton of cars turn left for 500 fucking miles be the extent of my fucking enjoyment?
I don't fucking think so.
I think it's time for me to retort, the only way I know how, and expunge 38 years of frustration.
I'm not a religious man. I never was. Chances are I never will be. I'm not a church goer, I never wanted to, and truth be told I only go a couple of times a year in support of my wife and what's important to her. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with having a devout belief in Jesus. But if it's to the point where you think that anything and everything not having to do with the Bible is the devil, or you think you're better than everyone who doesn't have that degree of faith, then it's a huge fucking problem. I believe there is a god out there, yes, but I don't have any idea what that is. And I won't know until I die, and I am in no rush to find out. Wherever I go, whatever I do, I don't expect to be preached at. I don't need saving, I already know how to be a decent human being, and I know because my parents raised me right. And I always say, if you raise your kid right, they'll do right things. If I wanna be preached at, I'll go to church a lot more regularly. Stop trying to save me, stop trying to convert me, and don't say I'm going to Hell just because I don't have the Old Testament shoved up my ass.
"Fake." I have always hated that term when people use it to describe pro wrestling. I find it to be a complete belittlement to not only the people involved, but a slap to the face to any fan of the sport. I know what it is, and what it isn't. In my 28 years as a fan I've done my research, and I know what is involved and what isn't. If a non fan disrespects it in any way in their attempt to belittle it, chances are, they are wrong. And with doing research being pretty much my thing these days, I will not hesitate to not only set the record straight, but I'll make them look as stupid as possible in the process.
Those "funny books" that you mention? Guess the fuck what? Those helped me learned to read when I was 3 years old. Three. FUCKING THREE. The Greeks in ancient times had their mythology, and in modern times we have comic books. I learned a lot more in comic books than I ever did out in the sticks. No they are not for kids. Look up stories like "Watchmen," "300," "V for Vendetta," and "The Dark Knight Returns." Would you let your kids read any of those? I sure as hell wouldn't. By the way, it just so happens that the one movie that grossed $1 billion faster than any other movie in history happens to be a comic book movie. So guess what? You're wrong again.
I've always been a fan of rock music in general. First it was the grunge period of the 90's. Then it spilled over to classic rock of the 70's and 80's. Finally now to the symphonic and progressive subgenres of heavy metal. Forms of music that was not only sweet to my ears, but stimulated my brain as well. The forms of metal I listen to were always known for being the music of the thinking man. Country music never had done anything for me, it never has, and it never will. If anything, I always felt a little dumber for having heard it for any period of time. There is a small subcategory of metal that is, in fact, satanist in nature, but that's not the kind of metal I listen to.
Couple all of these things together, and put it with the fact that my education was top notch my entire life, the fact that I have traveled the world twice over AT LEAST, been exposed to cultures all across the globe, and I honestly feel that, to a degree, just about everyone in that Podunk, hillbilly town were threatened by me. I spent my first half of high school in Japan sitting in schools run by the Department of Defense. By the time I got back to the States I needed one credit...ONE CREDIT...to graduate. I was bullied, I was belittled, and I was shunned because not only was I different, but because I was BETTER. I was above it all, and I was goddamned if I was gonna stay stuck in that dead-end town for life. I got out. I visit here and there, but I would never in a million years live there. There was one time I wanted to, just because it was my hometown. But my hometown failed me my entire life. In short, I was right, about everything, my entire life. And nobody was ever able to handle it. Nobody was ever able to come up to me and say "You were right all along." I never once heard those words spoken to me, no matter how many times I've proved it. But now I'm screaming it. If I could climb to the top of the highest building in the world and scream it through a fucking megaphone, I would.
Wherever my parents got stationed in the world, I was able to truly be myself. Wherever I myself went in the world I was able to be myself. But back in Ohio? Not a chance. I felt I had to conform to the backwoods ignorance of the region, and I honestly felt like I was treated differently for refusing to do so. I still go up there to visit every now and then, but it's never truly the same, for although I was born of that environment, I have never been, nor will I ever be, a product of it. Does it sound like I look down on the whole country lifestyle? You're damn right I do. After 38 years of being on this planet, and after all the shit I've had to deal with in my life, I think I've more than earned that right. I've taken a lot of shit in my life because of where my interests and my personality lie, but no longer. I'm my own man, more intelligent than I probably believe, and I now stand on my own.
...by the way, I'm not watching my fucking language anymore, either.
- Miller
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